What a year of F1 we've had. To celebrate we've collected some of the whackier quotes from the media circus that attends each GP
This collection includes quotes from; Jake Humphrey (BBC), Simon Lazenby (Sky), Martin Brundle (Sky), James Allen (BBC Radio 5 Live), Damon Hill (Sky), David Croft (Sky), Ben Edwards (BBC), David Coulthard (BBC), Eddie Jordan (BBC), Lee McKenzie (BBC), Jonathan Legard (BBC Radio 5 Live), Jaime Alguesuari (BBC Radio 5 Live) and Johnny Herbert (Sky)
James Allen: Talking about the prospects of the Ferrari F2012:
"In the hands of Fernando Alonso it is capable of fifth place. In the hands of Felipe Massa... it's currently back in the garage."
Eddie Jordan: also talking about the Ferrari, blinded us with the obvious: "This car can race. It seems to be doing lap after lap."
Jake Humphrey: "Eddie's ended up with two microphones and one is dangerous enough."
Eddie Jordan: After seeing Vettel go out in Qualifying: "My God, where is that finger now I ask? It's disappeared in one swoop!"
David Coulthard: "I was speaking to some of the engine engineers."
Martin Brundle: "Alonso's like a magician. He keeps pulling something out of the hat, when there isn't anything in the hat."
Jean Todt: "I hope nothing will happen in the race, but I am not a magician."
James Allen (from Saturday qualifying): "I think Vergne could be sitting on the naughty step tonight."
David Coulthard: "I think Raikkonen drifted back into rally mode there."
"I haven't seen any armoured personnel carriers... personally," bridled DC
Martin Brundle: "Fernando. Felipe is faster than you."
Ben Edwards: "We'll see if they can put in some lapid rap times."
Eddie Jordan: "Sometimes we have to pinch ourselves. Why has this happened? And I'm sorry to be offensive to Michael Schumacher but you have to give credit to Pirelli because they have managed to be able to mix things up to make sure it's a gigantic show."
Damon Hill: "I will eat my microphone if Hamilton doesn't get pole position and win the race"
Damon Hill: 15 minutes before Q1- "I just want to clarify; I was talking only about the foam bit. I'm not eating the metal."
Simon Lazenby: "Johnny, sum up the Monaco Grand Prix in three words"
Johnny Herbert: "It's just an awesome weekend."
David Croft: "Lewis Hamilton, like some very keen police dog, is sniffing all over the back of Vettel."
Eddie Jordan:"You see. Look, he's a pillar of example."
David Coulthard: (Said with exactly the same kind of deadpan that he delivered "It's hard to make rubber exciting" last season.) Speaking to Mark Webber after the race: "Number twos are always more satisfying aren't they..."
Jonathan Legard: In the race when Schumacher stopped: "The hand is going under the bodywork. Where's that hand going Jaime?"
Jaime Alguesuari: "I don't know. (said with the kind of thinly veiled boredom that Martin Brundle displayed in his final season with Legard).
Jonathan Legard: Getting a bit excited when Vettel was catching Alonso, towards the end of the race like it was a spaghetti western: "He got him at the hairpin. Took him down!"
Martin Brundle to Paul diResta after Qualifying: "Paul, 8th on the grid, I know you don't do ecstatic but you must be pleased with that..."
European GP, Valencia
Johnny Herbert: "I saw Kimi after free practice. He looked very confident"
Allan McNish: "How could you tell?"
Eddie Jordan: "I think Jenson has a lot of inner soul-searching to find."
David Croft Look at that train behind Schumacher. It's like the queue at the Post Office on a Tuesday morning
David Coulthard: "I don't know whatwould scare Kimi... apart from locking up the bar."
Martin Brundle: "Lovely blue skies, it's looking good..."
Bernie Ecclestone: "I was worried when we lost Jim from Jim'll Fix It, and I had to do it all on my own."
Jaime Alguersuari: "He is four tenths of a difference quicker."
James Allen: "I'm scratching my memory to work out anyone who won the Hungarian GP from that far back in the dry."
Jaime Alguersuari: "Formula 1 nowadays is all about air and if you don't have the air you are nowhere."
Martin Brundle: He [Alonso] keeps saying he's driving a red shed, but it's a fast red shed
Crofty: I'd keep my lawnmower in there
Martin Brundle: (After Hamilton was asked to remove a tweet about telemetry by his team): Never tweet when you have had a drink or are unhappy about something
Eddie Jordan Eddie Jordan likes to torment drivers with his ambiguous James Joyceian-like meaning. Try picking the bones out of this question to Sergio Perez before the race: "Sergio, is this a strategy that you've thought up, how the team should behave between you...?"
Jaime Alguersuari emphasizing that he really didn't know the answer "I don't know what the problem is... in concrete."
James Allen: "Welcome to Monza, about 20 miles north of the city of Italy."
Jaime Alguersuari: (asked if Perez will catch the Ferraris) "He will eat both of them."
Simon Lazenby: Last night when we talked you said you were quite nervous about who lines up alongside Lewis on the front row. Are you still nervous today?
Martin Whitmarsh: Well, it's the same person, so yes.
Jaime Alguersuari: in fits of laughter after Vitaly Petrov crashed his Caterham in FP3, deranging the whole back end of the car...
Jaime Alguersuari: I'm not laughing really.
James Allen: You are laughing.
Jaime Alguersuari: "Well it was just funny to see him; he crashes into the wall and then he opens the DRS as though nothing has happened."
Jonathan - old school, old boy - Legard: Describing an overtaking move at Suzuka: "My word! That's a calling card and a half!"
Sam Bird "The cars are heavy with fuel right now. If you think about it, it's like three teenage kids sitting on the engine cover..."
Max Chilton (Radio 5): "The Sauber is great on its tyres in general."
Giedo van der Garde (Radio 5): Can Caterham reserve drivers do passable impressions of Yoda from 'Star Wars'? In India James Allen had Caterham reserve driver Giedo van der Garde in the commentary box to assist him and you could always tell something had just happened because there was a sharp intake of breath from Giedo. When Kobayashi hit Maldonado on Lap 31 we got a big gasp and then: "You touch the brakes. You lose the rear end. And gone you are."
David Coulthard: Talking about Felipe Massa, "He's been a really solid No.2."
Jonathan Legard: "Lewis Hamilton, I think he's on a man with a mission."
Eddie Jordan speaking on Saturday: "Something inside of me says that by the end of tomorrow I think we will have a Spanish World Champion."
Quotes from Andrew Davies, Frank Cook, Dave Jorgensen and firstname.lastname@example.org