Some stories that you definitely won't find on Reuters
It's Equipe 'Johnny No Mates'
The Red Bull team have said that it's not only the FIA's fuel sensors that are incorrect. At last weekend's Australian Grand Prix, the card-reading device at the paddock entrance failed to register one of their official passes. That team member represented 0.7% of their personnel in Australia and so the team installed their own pass-reading device at the gate to allow all of them in.
A spokesman for the team denied that they were getting above themselves and taking the law into their own hands and have already cleared the use of the new Red Bull reader with the Malaysian Grand Prix Race Director Dr Helmut Marko.
Not Like The Old Days: Part 413
Following Bernie Ecclestone's criticisms that a lack of engine noise in the paddock has robbed the sport of its traditional atmosphere and excitement, the FIA have introduced a series of measures to make it seem like 'the good old days' of F1.
In future, drivers will be allowed to smoke fags on the podium (like James Hunt), mechanics will have to wear brown overalls liberally sprayed with Castrol GTX, Jackie Stewart will grow sideburns and wear his black corduroy cap and if Red Bull win a race their mechanics can only play the Sweet's 'Ballroom Blitz' in the garage.
Gottle of Geer
Australian Grand Prix supremo Ron Walker has said the organisers of the race may look at suing F1 for breach of contract, after a silent Aussie GP experience. Walker said that the fans came to hear the noise of F1 cars and the lack of it has left them feeling cheated. Pitlane observers have noted that this makes six-foot-four-inch Walker, the tallest ventriloquist's dummy ever known to man.
McLaren Get Out Their Oyster Card
And finally, after the amended result in Australia McLaren are celebrating the old bus joke. You wait all season for a podium, then two come along at the same time. That's it for 2014 now...