In F1, the first person you have to beat is your team-mate.
Nico Rosberg 3 - Lewis Hamilton 7
In the completely loco world of Team-Mate Wars, how did we get to this result, then? It's a bit like Maths GCSE, you have to show your working, you can't just give the result. Here goes: Rosberg and Hamilton had the same equipment in Q1 on Saturday and for a change, Hamilton was in control and it was Rosberg making the mistakes. Halfway through the sessions and Hamilton was sitting in P2, while Rosberg had blown two successive fast laps by running wide and was P21 to Lewis's P2. Then Lewis suffered an exploding brake disk and no further comparisons could be made.
In some races drivers lose front wing endplates and it ends up no great disadvantage. It was Hamilton's bad luck that at the one race where tyre wear was excessively high he had a front wing loss that grained the front left and gave him a lot of tyre deg. Given how quickly he closed the gap on Bottas it would have been interesting to see if changing the front wing would have got him P2.
Daniel Ricciardo 8 - Sebastian Vettel 2
Ricciardo qualified in front of Vettel and was forced into the manoeuvre that dropped him to P15 on Lap 1 by someone else's accident. This was one of the great drive's of the season and although Daniel didn't make it back to his team-mate, he was close.
Fernando Alonso 9 - Kimi Raikkonen 1
It was encouraging to see Kimi high up in one of the free practice sessions, but he lost out in qualifying and the different strategy didn't work. He lost his No Claims Bonus as well. Alonso clearly had no respect for his beeps and had to take extreme measures on the final lap by driving it in 8th gear.
Jenson Button 7 - Kevin Magnussen 3
The BBC used the phrase "a disconsolate sounding Jenson Button" after qualifying, but you might as well apply that all the time. Nobody can explore the different nuances of "disconsolate sounding" better than Jenson. Magnussen paid heavily for a small first lap miscalculation - Turn 1 in Germany has always been a fairly hairy place and he didn't get away with keeping his foot in this time.
Valtteri Bottas 5 - Felipe Massa 5
Valtteri Bottas was ahead of Massa when Felipe had his accident and so takes the points. He also showed remarkable composure in the closing stages of the race under extreme pressure from Lewis Hamilton on very worn tyres.
Jean-Eric Vergne 4 - Daniil Kvyat 6
The Toro Rosso drivers are taking it in turns to make contact with Sergio Perez. Last race it was Vergne trying to share the same tarmac, this race it was Kvyat. He may have had the edge in qualifying, but that was a pretty poor overtaking move which threw away potential points.
Nico Hulkenberg 7 - Sergio Perez 3
Perez had fun with Daniil Kvyat and then a whole lot more with Adrian Sutil, it seemed like Checo's front right wheel was a regular visitor to Adrian's left-hand sidepod.
Romain Grosjean 8 - Pastor Maldonado 2
Grosjean outqualified Maldonado again, but it was another race where points didn't seem attainable even with the intervention of a Safety Car.
Esteban Gutierrez 4 - Adrian Sutil 6
Sutil got a great start and was up to P10 on the opening lap. It couldn't last and it didn't.
Marcus Ericsson 1 - Kamui Kobayashi 9
Kamui continued to impress, holding off the Marussia of Max Chilton all race. Ericsson must be checking the warranty on his car. Caterham? It's more like a TVR. They love staying in garages.
Max Chilton 3 - Jules Bianchi 7
Bianchi is beginning to re-establish the ratio we were familiar with from last season, Max should really be getting in front of both Caterhams.
Star of the race
Lewis Hamilton 4, Sergio Perez 2, Daniel Ricciardo 2, Jules Bianchi 1, Valtteri Bottas 1
Overtaking Move of the Race
Lewis Hamilton 3, Daniel Ricciardo 2, Valtteri Bottas 1, Kamui Kobayashi 1, Sebastian Vettel 1, Nico Hulkenberg 1, Fernando Alonso 1
Sat on the Naughty Step
Pastor Maldonado 3, Max Chilton 2, Christian Horner 1, Kevin Magnussen 1, Ecclestone 1 (for suggesting it would be no problem to lose cars off the grid), Kimi Raikkonen 1, Charlie Whiting 1 (safety issues in Germany)
Three Times Le Mans Winner Allan McNish "Yes, it must have been a front right brick disk..."
James Allenin the Radio 5 commentary box teasing Allan McNish "I know you're a follower of trends Allan, and just looking at the outfit you're wearing I can see you're a follower of trends." (followed by much laughing)
For some reason Allan McNish and James Allen have taken the word 'eeking' to their hearts and want to use it whenever they can:
Allan McNish: "Valtteri Bottas is just eeking into the back of Lewis Hamilton."
James Allen: "The track temperature is eeking up all the time."
Allan McNish "There's a big big slide from one of the McLarens...actually it's a Toro Rosso as it's came onto the back straight."
And finally, regular reader(s) of this column over the years will know how much we enjoy the 'James Allen does Yoda' moments, and we got one on Sunday. It's not great, but we'll take anything. James Allen "Nico Rosberg, 24 laps he has done on those tyres."