F1: The School Reports

Sunday 01-December-2013 18:54

Quiet at the back, now! Mr. Davies, the housemaster in charge of motorsport games this last term has been busy compiling reports for some of the boys. Please take five minutes to review your son's progress. We trust you will take the appropriate actions if his conduct and performance have not been up to scratch. May we take this opportunity of wishing you the season's greetings and any small, whisky-based gift is gratefully received in the common room.

Sebastian Vettel
Sebastian has had another outstanding term in school, winning the School Trophy by a considerable margin. His room-mate, Mark, one of the senior boys, announced he would be leaving at the end of the year and despite their obvious affection, Sebastian has coped with that news very well.

There was a small hiccup early in term when he disobeyed a direct instruction from Head of Year, Mr. Horner, and he was called in to a meeting to discuss both his discipline and his behaviour. This has been satisfactory since, although Mr. Roquelin, Head of Physics, says he likes to play with the Bunsen burners towards the end of the lesson far more than is necessary.

One small item, we have had to speak to him about his growing need for doughnuts. Mr. Newey, Head of Maths, believes he is using doughnuts to gain popularity after he was jeered at for being, what other boys considered "a bit of a swot". (It is widely known in school that he does extra homework, and that he's a particular favourite of our groundsman Mr. Marko.) We must insist that any future sweets should be bought from the school tuck shop run by Mr.Whiting.

However, all in all, a splendid term for Sebastian for which he should feel proud. Well done.

Sergio Perez
Sergio has completed a good term of work and is a popular boy both with staff and his classmates. At first, as a new boy in school, Sergio struggled to find his way around despite the helping hand of one of our prefects, Button Junior, who has mentored him. Despite this help, his Housemaster Mr.Whitmarsh believed he was losing out in the dining queue and advised him to barge in with his elbows. Sergio took this advice on board and indeed made himself unpopular with some of the other boys, particularly Raikkonen of the Lower Fourth, during the school trip to Monaco. Regrettably, the marks he has obtained in school tests haven't been as high as we had anticipated, judging from the performance at his prep school, and with such a pressure from new boys who want to attend, we regret Sergio will have to find a smaller school next term where he can more readily adapt to the curriculum.

Lewis Hamilton
Lewis has had a strong first term in school, though sometimes failing to reach the very high goals he has set himself. He has adapted to his new school very well, helped by the fact that he and Nicholas were at prep school together. Between them they have pushed each other in the attempt to win the form prize, something Lewis has managed to achieve straight away, unlike the senior boy who he replaced. Some points of discipline still need to be emphasized with Lewis, pupils are allowed to wear their own trousers, but it has always been school policy not to bring jewellery into the classroom even if it is "totally cool bling, man". Also he has been known to exchange sharp words with Mr. Shovelin over the intercom, something we will not tolerate in future.

Mr. Brawn, our much-respected housemaster, will be leaving us at the end of term. All the boys look up tohim and it will be a challenge for both Lewis and Nicholas to maintain their high level of achievement under our new head Mr Lowe-Wolf.

Fernando Alonso
Fernando has completed another excellent term of work. The attitude he displays and the effort he puts in is an inspiration to the rest of the boys. We teach the boys that in life there can only be one winner, but given his tremendous work it is unfortunate that yet again he has failed to lift the School Trophy (Although I believe from Mr. Domenicali that part of this may be down to a calibration failure on his school calculator that didn't allow him to get his best results).

There was an unfortunate disagreement with the Head of Governors, Mr. Montezuma, in the middle of term when it was believed Fernando was thinking about changing schools, and was not wholly complimentary about the teaching here. If parents want him to go to another school, it would be appreciated if we are told first.

Fernando was also not pleased to see his long-term room-mate leaving, along with Head of Special Needs, Mr Smedley. We are certain that he will get on just as well with his new room-mate next term and that with a new calculator the School Prize will be his once again.

Romain Grosjean
As you know, following Romain's suspension last term, the headmaster and I met to discuss his future in the school. It was decided that he should be given a second chance, but if there was any repetition of his erratic behaviour then he would be expelled from school. I am glad to say that Romain has knuckled down to the job at hand. His form teacher, Mr Boullier, said the school trip to the United States was a particular pleasure with Romain displaying levels of concentration and application not seen in his work before. Indeed we feel it is not long before he wins an inter-form table tennis trophy. The bullying problem he experienced from some of the senior boys has also stopped.

Max Chilton
Though I have looked at the school register several times, and can see that he was present, I can't find a member of staff who actually saw Maximillian last term. Skulking behind the bicycle sheds will not be tolerated in the future.

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