Not The F1 News: Vettel's New Buttons

Saturday 26-April-2014 11:16

Following Sebastian Vettel's Chinese GP performance the four-times World Champ is likely to get some new pre-sets on his steering wheel...

Vettel Gets New Message Buttons
Following the acrimonious Chinese Grand Prix in which Sebastian Vettel threw another teenage fit and refused to do what he was told, it has become apparent that there are a number of pre-set messages on the Red Bull steering wheel. Despite no communication from Vettel over team radio, his engineer, Rocky, came on the radio and said, "Sebastian we are aware, we are aware."

The view is that these are messages that could give vital information to other teams, such as the ERS not working, or the tyres going off. However following the race in China, PlanetF1 can suggest a number of pre-set messages for Sebastian.
Button 1. "I'm not ****ing moving over!"
Button 2. "Ricciardo's slower than me, tell him to move over!"
Button 3. "Stick your team orders up your arse!"

Judging by Daniel Ricciardo's ability to preserve his tyres this year, Button 3 is obviously going to get a lot of use by the end of the season.

Good and Bad News For Mr.E
It's good news and bad news for Bernie Ecclestone this week. The bad news is that his bribery trial has started in Munich which is likely to drag on all the way till September and threatens his position as commercial supremo in F1. The good news, though, is that he managed to get through the revolving doors of the court in Munich without getting spat out the way he came in.*

*As he did in London in front of the world's press

F1 To Be like Scalextric?
Martin Brundle has warned that a return to active suspension could make the cars boring and "like Scalextric cars". The F1 Strategy Group have been considering the re-introduction of active suspension, outlawed in 1994, because the passive systems that mimic them are difficult to set up and very expensive. Brundle told Autosport, "It's a dream for the aerodynamicists. My concern would be that we'd go back to cars that look like Scalextric cars - glued to the track."

It's quite clear from this that he hasn't played with the PlanetF1 Office set where the Ferrari always flies off at the first corner followed by a lengthy pit-stop where fluff is scraped off the pick-ups.

Flavio Gives New Boy Marco F1 Advice
Fellow Italian Flavio Briatore has welcomed debutant Marco Mattiacci into the F1 fold and has said that he can call him for advice whenever he likes. The new boss of the Ferrari team only has experience of selling road cars in North America, but no background in F1. Similarly, Flavio Briatore was the head of a hugely successful clothes empire, Benetton, when he took over the Benetton team with no motorsport experience.

Briatore has sent him a copy of his biography: "Il motore è nella parte posteriore e l'ala è al fronte" which translated means, 'the engine's at the back, the wing's at the front' - which is how he remembered which way they were pointing.

Hamilton Requests New Mercedes Kit
Finally, Mercedes have turned down Lewis Hamilton's request for new developments to his W05. Following Lewis's dominant win in China, when he managed to save almost 4kg of fuel more than anyone else, Lewis has asked for a 500W sub-woofer, surround-sound speakers and an MP3 player to keep him entertained while he's out on his own.

Engineering boss Paddy Lowe has said that obviously he can't have all that extra kit in the car. Because if Lewis has it, Nico will want to have it as well...

And he can't have a UV light on his plank for the night races, either.

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