In light of Felipe Massa’s disclosure that he received a text message from Nico Hulkenberg after their collision in Singapore, it left PlanetF1 wondering why Formula 1 drivers are still using texts in 2015. Have they not heard of WhatsApp, or other instant messaging apps for that matter?
Anyway it led to a few chuckles about some of the groups that the Formula 1 drivers should have/start.
The F1 Group of Champions
* You get automatic entry once you win a Drivers’ Championship, but it is restricted to those on the current grid so only Sebastian Vettel, Lewis Hamilton, Fernando Alonso, Jenson Button and Kimi Raikkonen are members.
* Raikkonen pops up every now and then to tell Hamilton he posts too many pictures, but Vettel is yet to post any pictures of his children. No one is actually sure if he does have any kids.
* Felipe Massa was initially added, but he was removed after 30 seconds as the group admin quickly corrected the mistake.
I Want A Ferrari Drive
* The group is actually run by the Ferrari bosses and every time a new member is added the rest of the drivers throw a strop as they know that the queue to a Ferrari drive just got a bit longer.
* Valtteri Bottas, Nico Hulkenberg, Sergio Perez, Romain Grosjean, Daniel Ricciardo and Max Verstappen are the current members. Verstappen’s addition was met with plenty of rolling eyes and WTH.
Let’s All Laugh At McLaren
* This used to be the Let’s All Laugh At Ferrari Group, but Fernando Alonso changed it at the start of the 2014 season when he was still at Ferrari. However, he has since left the group in a huff.
* The most used word in the group is LOL.
The Pastor-Less Group
* All the drivers on the grid minus Pastor Maldonado, but Mark Webber is an honourary member. In fact Mark started the group back in 2011. There was a flurry of activity after the Singapore Grand Prix, but it was pretty quiet after the race at Suzuka.
The How To Negotiate A Contract Group
* Giedo van der Garde is the mainstay of this group. Need advice? Ask Giedo. However, Jenson Button has been pushing Giedo pretty hard over the past few weeks for the “legendary status” as he now has the PR game down to a fine art and McLaren appear to be dancing to his tune.
* Everyone was feeling sorry for Lotus so they allowed one of the big bosses in and it worked as they have finally negotiated a deal with Renault.
* Ron Dennis once tried to steal Kevin Magnussen’s phone as he was looking for some tips on how to win the McLaren sponsors back.
We’re British And We Are Fantastic
* Hamilton, Button and Will Stevens are the permanent members of the group, but Jolyon Palmer is added every other week before he gets deleted again. Susie Wolff has also made the odd appearance.
* If the Britons ever feel down or are in need of a pick me up then they just add someone from Sky Sports F1 or BBC F1 to tell them how fantastic they are. Sky Sports F1 will then tell the whole world that someone told Sky Sports F1 that Sky Sports F1, which is also sponsored by Sky Sports F1, is the best thing since sliced bread.
The ‘Urgh’ Group
* It used to go by Vent Your Frustrations, but Alonso has decided that’s too long to write so it’s just known as ‘Urgh’.
* Button and Alonso are currently the most active members.
* Not to be outdone by the McLaren drivers, everyone at Red Bull from Dietrich Mateschitz to Helmut Marko and Christian Horner, are pushing up their comments.
Does Anyone Actually Care About Me/Us?
* Nico Rosberg was the only member for a long, long time, but Carlos Sainz has joined him recently.
* Everyone from Manor, McLaren and Sauber are in the group. Button and Alonso are keeping a very low profile as they are “embarrassed” to be there while Alexander Rossi is happy he finally made it.
There are also some other smaller groups:
* Yep the Formula 1 ring master will add and delete as he wishes.
* VW was added, but then removed. Every now and then Honda considers exiting the group.
The F1 Hopefuls
* Stoffel Vandoorne, Kevin Magnussen, Jolyon Palmer, Esteban Gutierrez, Jean-Eric Vergne and just about everyone from GP2 and the Red Bull Junior Programme are members. In fact, drivers have to come through this group before they are promoted.
* Max Verstappen skipped this group and those who are still members are not happy.